My insides don’t like me

Well it kind of says it in the title, My insides don’t like me. It’s true! My immune system attacks my insides, causing ulcers within my large intestine also known as the colon or bowel! Its a funny old business. Sometimes i mean all the time it really frustrates me, because not only does it cause serious anemia, tiredness, weight-loss but it causes a hell of a lot of pain. Its a real struggle day to day, that no one really understands, other than fellow suffers. I’ve become very good at hiding how I’m feeling and when I’m really struggling, its almost like I’m having a psychological battle with my body which is physically trying to pull me down, if that makes any sort of sense! I’m basically too stubborn to stop what I’m doing and just rest. Because WHY should I? why should I at the age of 21 stop the things I want to do in life because of a Illness I didn’t ask for? That’s another thing that frustrates me!

What I won’t let happen is, I won’t let colitis define me as a person. It may have ruined a massive part of my life since 2012 but I won’t let it beat me. What I can say about my Illness is that through the struggle of fighting it, it has made me the person I am today, It has made me so much stronger, physically and mentally. It has taught me so much about the people I surround myself with and who is really there for me when I need it the most.

I am a strong believer of ‘everything happens for a reason’ and despite my frustration I’m always trying to find positive ways to answer the ‘why me’ question….

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3 thoughts on “My insides don’t like me

  1. pintobeansolutions says:

    Hey.
    Thanks for following my blog, though not sure how you found it. I was playing with WordPress last month. I had previously documented my colitis journey so figured I would use it as test content on the blog. Ha. Needless to say I am shocked it was found.
    Being diagnosed with colitis at age 11, I understand how it turns your world upside down. Like you said, only those who have experienced it understand the physical and mental roller coaster ride it take you for. That said, for all the people I have met who had the disadvantage of being dealt an IBD, they have all focused on adjusting to a new way a life. This sentiment is echoed in your post. It has been over 15 years since I was diagnosed. I wish I could say the journey will be easy, but you already know that is not true. You are a smart girl with a great attitude and an amazing support system through family and friends. This will make your journey all that much easier.
    I asked the ‘why me’ question a lot as a kid. For me, all things are balanced. Good can not exist without the bad. So if the bad had to be dished out to someone, I’d like to believe it was dished out to those strong enough to handle it. As you said, you become a stronger person post diagnoses. But before that, I’d bet you were strong to begin with.

  2. Victoria Marie says:

    Congratulations on your new blog!! The blogging world and IBD community are glad to have you on board!! Over time your blog will bring so much comfort, strength and understanding to so many! Best of luck with it all 😀 x

  3. Brad Williamson says:

    I have recently been diognised with UC and met you through instergram, you’ve helped me stay strong and understand more about my condition. Been recently sent home from 16 days remission on the cyclosporine treatment! I’m feeling good! Now just working on my fitness and eating right again whilst taking an extreme pill collection! Hopefully back to normal life/work next week 🙏!
    Love that you have started this blog and will be watching and reading with support! Hope your getting better, and back on track!

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