‘Some days are just HARD’

Today I’m feeling frustrated, angry, and emotional.

At 9am this morning Conor & I sat waiting at the hospital for my Flexible Sigmoidoscopy which was being carried out by my consultant , which made me feel alittle more at ease. We have a great Patient to Doctor relationship and he knows me inside out! (literally ha)

I went in to the procedure nervous, but I knew the drill and went in with a positive mindset and believed it couldn’t be all that bad and maybe the symptoms I was  having were nothing to worry about.

Well… I wish I asked for sedation now, It was so painful/uncomfortable and my poor Consultant & nurses were trying their best to distant me! which did help slightly !! But looking up at the screen and seeing my insides bleeding and white with ulcer’s Isn’t a pretty sight.

I was offered Oral steroids (Prednisolone) and I point blank refused, I’m 14 weeks away from my 1st bodybuilding comp and I really can’t let my hard work go to waste with the side effects of  pred- water retention, sleepness nights the list goes on… But that’s fine, my consultant understood and pretty much agreed with my reasons, so I’m going to hope for the best on the medication I’m already using (suppositories)

But, this is my frustrating part..  something will be discussed sooner than planned.. and that’s J-pouch surgery. This Is sometime I wanted to wait to have after I’d finished my last year of University but its looking like Ill be having it during my last year of University, not long after my comp which not only will be inconvenience but I’m mentally not ready to be faced with more major surgery yet. I had a really bad time post surgery, and I really, really don’t want to be preparing mentally for a competition as well J-pouch surgery… which comes with lots of pro’s & con’s.

So right now, yet again I feel like I have nothing undercontrol health wise.. and this is the exact reason why I bodybuild, because it gives me control!

So today Is a sofa day (no training & no cardio) recovering from my  procedure & digesting the fact my J-Pouch surgery may be sooner than planned, I can’t focus right now but I’m also frustrated that I’m taking a day of training…. I can’t win! So many emotions.

As long as I have my partner, family & friends by my side I know everything will be ok, I’m still going to hit this prep hard but today I just need some ‘me time’

Lets hope tomorrow Is a better day ❤

But here’s some progress pictures! Really happy with how I’m leaning out, I have 14 weeks to shred out some more! currently doing a ‘Keto diet’ It’s a struggle doing cardio twice a day and training with no carbs! But I’m so motivated to kill this!20150624_152416

As you can by the picture on the right… my heels are bloody massive, and trying to pose in them ends up with me looking like Bambi on ice, so I need some lessons from my friend Lilly ! Luckily  In my category ‘Body Transformation’ I’m allowed to freestyle pose alongside being judged on the ‘T-Walk & 1/4 quarter turns’ This gives me a chance to express my personality on stage…. Front double biceps allllll day! haha

Update on my Health and current Training Progress

So, firstly Ill like to apology for not blogging in well over 2 months.

I’ve not being having the greatest of times, but after a few changes in my personal life Im feeling so much more happier and less stressed.. which has had a massive impact on my recent health issues. For those who follow me on IG will have seen recently I’ve been having a problematic skin, rectal stump along with uclers on my stoma.

So I firstly had my uclers checked out and the nurse was very happy to say that they won’t be a problem unless they become painful and the cause was probably from stress and or my weightbelt causing friction … but then I mentioned the pain/spasms I’ve been having in my stump (the last little bit I have left from surgery)… this is a problem, not only have I been suffering from the pain but also I’m passing a lot of blood, this is a known sign of a colitis flare and without treating it can cause a whole world of problems…

I mean, nothing Isn’t even suppose to be coming out of my backside ! haha

All jokes aside, Its been a nightmare and without saying to much I felt like some people didn’t have the respect that I’m still sick. I mean, yes… technically you can say I’m cured, but am I really? when I’m still having theses problems plus serve tiredness.. my moaning list goes on!

Ive been booked in for a flex sigmoidoscopy with my GI on the 24th of June which I can cancel IF the medication I’ve been given settles the flare . 3 weeks or so in and so far so good, since coming away from the stressful situations I found myself In I’ve never been better the medication Is working and I’m hopeful that the week prior to the examination I can cancel ! As much as I love seeing my GI because he Is a great man I really want to go a whole year without seeing him … it will be a massive achievement for me .. maybe a sad one lol but to me it would mean Ive really beat colitis !

Now skin issues, this has really dragged me down. There Is nothing worse than having sore, bleeding, dry, itchy skin especially whilst wearing a support belt plus a weight belt. Its calmed down a lot since WORLD IBD DAY (my IG post showing it) and that’s from receiving emails and messages from all you lovely people giving me little hints and tips … so thank you! I really appreciate the messages I receive from all of my IG and Twitter followers and the reposts ! You are all the reason why I do this, and why I’m so open with my struggles. I love bodybuilding and to think it helps fellow suffers believe in themselves its  simply heart-warming, and makes me emotional.. but In a good way! 🙂

Talking on the subject of bodybuilding, right now I’m currently doing a cut almost like a mini practice  consent prep. This Isn’t helping my tiredness but I’m demanded to smash it and see what sort of results I get! My diet has completely changed and I almost feel starved haha I’ve gone from around 2,600/3,000 calories a day to dropping to a tiny 16,00 calories which my partner managed to spread between 5 meals and 2 shakes!!  I’ve also added in daily cardio, and I’ve upped my training back to 6 days a week !

I’m really excited to see how my body will change, I’m already seeing a differences! I’m definitely weak as hell in the gym  but on the diet I’m currently on I’m surprised I can still lift myself outta bed and work 25+ hours a week too!

Sorry for the messy blog, but I thought it was about time I gave you all a more in-depth update! keep fighting, and I promise I will start to blog more again!!