‘Some days are just HARD’

Today I’m feeling frustrated, angry, and emotional.

At 9am this morning Conor & I sat waiting at the hospital for my Flexible Sigmoidoscopy which was being carried out by my consultant , which made me feel alittle more at ease. We have a great Patient to Doctor relationship and he knows me inside out! (literally ha)

I went in to the procedure nervous, but I knew the drill and went in with a positive mindset and believed it couldn’t be all that bad and maybe the symptoms I was  having were nothing to worry about.

Well… I wish I asked for sedation now, It was so painful/uncomfortable and my poor Consultant & nurses were trying their best to distant me! which did help slightly !! But looking up at the screen and seeing my insides bleeding and white with ulcer’s Isn’t a pretty sight.

I was offered Oral steroids (Prednisolone) and I point blank refused, I’m 14 weeks away from my 1st bodybuilding comp and I really can’t let my hard work go to waste with the side effects of  pred- water retention, sleepness nights the list goes on… But that’s fine, my consultant understood and pretty much agreed with my reasons, so I’m going to hope for the best on the medication I’m already using (suppositories)

But, this is my frustrating part..  something will be discussed sooner than planned.. and that’s J-pouch surgery. This Is sometime I wanted to wait to have after I’d finished my last year of University but its looking like Ill be having it during my last year of University, not long after my comp which not only will be inconvenience but I’m mentally not ready to be faced with more major surgery yet. I had a really bad time post surgery, and I really, really don’t want to be preparing mentally for a competition as well J-pouch surgery… which comes with lots of pro’s & con’s.

So right now, yet again I feel like I have nothing undercontrol health wise.. and this is the exact reason why I bodybuild, because it gives me control!

So today Is a sofa day (no training & no cardio) recovering from my  procedure & digesting the fact my J-Pouch surgery may be sooner than planned, I can’t focus right now but I’m also frustrated that I’m taking a day of training…. I can’t win! So many emotions.

As long as I have my partner, family & friends by my side I know everything will be ok, I’m still going to hit this prep hard but today I just need some ‘me time’

Lets hope tomorrow Is a better day ❤

But here’s some progress pictures! Really happy with how I’m leaning out, I have 14 weeks to shred out some more! currently doing a ‘Keto diet’ It’s a struggle doing cardio twice a day and training with no carbs! But I’m so motivated to kill this!20150624_152416

As you can by the picture on the right… my heels are bloody massive, and trying to pose in them ends up with me looking like Bambi on ice, so I need some lessons from my friend Lilly ! Luckily  In my category ‘Body Transformation’ I’m allowed to freestyle pose alongside being judged on the ‘T-Walk & 1/4 quarter turns’ This gives me a chance to express my personality on stage…. Front double biceps allllll day! haha

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